The Prayer of the Placid

Realizing that I haven't written in such a long time, I am forcing myself to sit down and do it.  With a mason jar filled with root beer and the Word at my side, I am trusting God to speak His words through me.

I have to admit, first off, that I have been full of doubt lately.  Doubt that God's plan is what is best for me.  I fail to truly believe His words sometimes: "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose" (Romans 8:28).  I constantly tell myself that the Lord has called me to pursue writing as a career, but the whispers of disagreement fill my mind and persuade me to think differently.  I begin asking myself questions like, "Are you sure this is really God's plan for your life?" and "Are you ready to live your life on the opposite side of luxury in order to live out your calling?"  The answers to these questions have varied, and my heart has become confused within this internal storm.

I am trying my hardest to figure this out.  Maybe that's the problem; ME searching for an answer.  ME chasing God, instead of allowing Him to meet me where I am.  I feel worn out, from running in a direction that doesn't even have a trail.  I feel as though I have lost trust, in myself, in others, and in God.  My desire for security has blinded me, and because of this, I am missing the news of the ultimate Provider.  "But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well" (Matthew 6:33).

I am stuck in a season of life where waiting is the grandest challenge, and yet the most evident part.  I have discovered a routine that leaves me tired and bored at the end of each day.  I am caught in a cycle of unintentional sin that will lead me to eventual destruction.  Oh, how I need my Savior!

There's only so much I can on my own that can raise me out of this rut.  My cries for my Father are silent and still.  They need to be loud and shaken, full of sincere longing for His unfathomable peace.

Dear God, I pray that you will revive this lifeless spirit and make it a new creation.  Allow me to bask in Your purpose that You have clearly laid out for me.  I desperately need Your wisdom to guide me along the righteous path.  Lord, hold my heart and inject it with passion for Your work and love.  Show me who You are, so I may delight in the beauty of Your character.  Remind me of Your love for me as well as Your promise of hope.  Awaken my love for You, O God.  Thank You for conviction, for it brings me back to Your feet.  Amen.